How to Deal With Miscarriage?

 

Going through a miscarriage is a unique experience in many ways. The way it affects you and the methods you use to cope with it will be equally unique.

How to Deal With Miscarriage

How Will Miscarriage Affect You?

 

It’s impossible to predict how a miscarriage will affect you. Everyone responds to the experience in their own way. The most important thing to remember is that there is no right way to feel or act after a miscarriage. How you react has nothing to do with whether you’re a man or a woman, your miscarriage was early or late, or the pregnancy was planned or unplanned.

Whatever your circumstances, it is important to be aware of the impact that miscarriage is having on you and your partner. If you need help then you should reach out to someone, whether that is a friend, an online support group, or your doctor. You can start by learning more about the possible physical and emotional effects of miscarriage and what you can do about them.

The Physical Effects

 

The physical effects can depend on the cause of the miscarriage and when it happened. A late miscarriage can cause more serious complications and is more likely to require medical intervention. However, at any stage in the pregnancy there is a chance that you could experience bleeding, cramping and other symptoms.

If you think that you might be having a miscarriage then you should consult your doctor or midwife right away. However, if you’re in severe pain or you have heavy bleeding then it is better to go right to the nearest A&E or call an ambulance.

You may need an ultrasound scan and other tests to confirm that you’re having a miscarriage. Sometimes the process will happen naturally, especially early in the pregnancy. In other cases additional treatment may be required to remove tissue from the womb or to stop the bleeding.

The physical effects of miscarriage are the ones that will only directly affect the person who is carrying the pregnancy. The best way to deal with them is to seek medical help and follow your doctor’s instructions. In most cases, you will be physically recovered within a few weeks. You’ll probably need some extra support during this time as you may feel sore and tired.

The Mental Effects

 

Miscarriage isn’t just a physical process. It is also an experience that can have a profound emotional impact, not just on the expectant parents, but also on any friends or family members who are involved. However, the way you feel about a miscarriage can depend on many factors. It can also change a lot over time. It’s important to allow yourself to feel the way you do and to get support that suits your needs.

Some of the feelings that you might experience include:

  • Shock, especially in the first days and weeks
  • Numbness before you are able to process your emotions
  • Grief for the baby and what might have been
  • Anxiety over the physical effects and what might happen if you try again
  • Guilt that you might have done something to cause the miscarriage
  • Anger that you have had to go through this experience
  • Jealously towards others who are pregnant or have children
  • Blaming yourself, your partner or someone else

You might feel some or all of these emotions at different times or have a completely different response. Sometimes the emotions all come quickly, but in other cases they will appear months or even years later. It all depends on our own unique situations, personalities and coping mechanisms.

Dealing with the emotional effects of miscarriage is an equally unique process. However, there are some common methods that work for a lot of parent. It might help you to:

  • Talk to your partner, a friend or family member about the miscarriage, your feelings or the baby you have lost.
  • Talk to a doctor, therapist or another impartial person.
  • Write down your feelings if it’s easier than talking. You can share them with someone or keep your thoughts private.
  • Talking to others or reading stories of people who’ve gone through similar experiences can help you feel less isolated. Support groups and organisations like the Miscarriage Association can help you to connect with others.
  • Take some time to yourself if you need to be alone, but make sure you have people around you when you need them.
  • Don’t feel guilty about doing something else or thinking about other things for a while. We all process our emotions in different ways and at different speeds.
  • Listen to your partner and try to provide support for them. Ask them for help when you need it.

Getting Miscarriage Advice

 

We all have different ways of coping with our emotions, but there are also some practical things you can do to deal with a miscarriage. Sometimes it helps to have a specific action you can take or to feel as if you’re doing something.

One step that can be very helpful when you’re ready is to seek miscarriage advice from a doctor. It can be very helpful to talk about why the miscarriage happened, especially if you want to have children in the future. In most cases, the doctor will be able to reassure you that there was no specific cause, nothing could have been done to prevent it and there won’t be any impact on future pregnancies.

Other actions you can take after a miscarriage include:

  • Many hospitals, midwives, doctors or hospital chaplains can provide a certificate to make the death of your baby if you want to have a physical reminder.
  • Arrange a memorial or find a personal way to remember and commemorate your baby.
  • The Mailing Preference Service has a service that can stop any pregnancy or baby related junk mail from being sent to your house.
  • Telling other people about the miscarriage. It’s important to consider who you want to share this experience with. Keeping it secret can be tough for some people, but others may prefer to keep the experience private.

If you’ve been through this experience yourself, do you have any advice for other parents who have had a miscarriage? Is there anything you wish you’d known or been told when it happened to you?

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